expectations.

My Reiki coach, Lisa, recently gave me an assignment. For one week, she wanted me to just “be”. Instead of running from my emotions and anxieties, I was to sit still, meditate more, get out in nature, and really be with my feelings. Another thing she wanted me to do was to speak with any parts of me that came up (i.e. anxiety, fear, courage, love) and just to love them, instead of pushing them away. So yeah, I was talking to myself a lot too, nothing new.

Since moving to California, its been both exciting and scary–here I am, where I’ve been wanting to live and now its time to figure it all out…

“Where will I work?”

“How am I going to meet the right people?”

“What is my passion?”

“How am I going to figure this all out?”

So instead of running to Target for the millionth time, buying something I most definitely don’t need, I was forced to sit. I was encouraged to just be. No real plans, just seeing where the wind took me. A lot of this revolved around expectations, and Lisa encouraged me to really get clear on what they mean. During this week I had a powerful shift, and I’ll share with you the journal entry that really impacted me and my life practice:

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Expectations

Part of this exercise this past week (most of it) was about expectations. I would sound off Lisa and say expectations are bullshit. Expectations go with manipulation. They derive from old patterns, beliefs, family dynamics, history. Nobody knows the answer, so how can I fear/believe that they know the answer for my life? 

I’ve been worrying all week that I’m not doing the assignment right. I’m not sitting wth myself and sitting still as much as I was told to. But those times I did meditate, repeat mantras, journal, talk to the aspects of me (and love them), and sit down to read and do some of Gabby Bernstein’s work had so much power, it makes me believe that doing more of it will intensify. I believe that I have a huge calling. I know that the Universe has big plans. But for now, I must learn through every experience. 

In just a few days, I have been given so many opportunities and have just believe and said yes. I will figure out the rest as I go…

Part of me feels like Lisa will be disappointed in my work this week. But the other part of me hears her sigh of relief knowing that I am paving my own way beautifully as me. Expectations, right? She simply assigned something to me and it was up to me to discipline myself and discern how it was going to go. It was up to the Universe, my divine being, to pave it out. I hope that I am correct in this thought, but feel like Lisa would agree because expectations are bullshit. But vacillation is here, and I love her so much. She and indecision are two special ones that make me who I am. 

Everything I’ve just accepted to do is about to be a huge lesson. I can feel it. So here’s to venturing out, letting my higher self carry the torch before me, and give me the strength to love myself so much that I create my own destiny. She’s telling me to REMEMBER: nobody is out to get you, and it’s nobody’s fault, they are simply a mirror for me and I will love them. I create my destiny. I am the center of my universe. Love will guide me. Universe is saying “have no fear in the power that you hold for yourself, it’s time to step into it!” 

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Pretty powerful, right? If this assignment calls to you, I really think it’s worth trying! Now I am more mindful in my everyday interactions with myself and others and know when to unplug from the world, get out in nature, or just simply be still.

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For those of you interested in Reiki or any spiritual life coaching, I highly recommend finding someone that you really connect with before just going for the first google match in your area. Lisa was my hair stylist in Colorado, and once I saw she did Life Coaching it just unfolded organically. She is incredible if you live in Aspen/Snowmass, and also does Reiki distant work! Her website here! Trust your intuition, you will know the right one for you 🙂

 

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finding peace

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Image via pen_friend

Devan and I just spent ten days exploring Maui. My parents spent time there years ago during my dad’s windsurfing days. It was so cool to visit and feel their presence in certain areas of the Island. However, a common trend of travel for me lately is taking my mind out of the beautiful present and focusing on what’s out of my control.

Just before leaving for this trip, the word “presence” kept entering my mind. It’s easy to get caught up in “future thinking”, as my life coach calls it. We all know that…be present, live in the moment, blah blah. But seriously, when we are too caught up in our thoughts and not enjoying what’s in front of us, we miss out on a lot…

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Photo taken at the Ali’i Kula Lavender Farm in Maui

Devan encouraged me to try out Headspace, since I have been very inconsistent with my own meditation. The app has been a great way to sit down every day and tune out from the world for only ten minutes. It also gives you the option to have reminders sent throughout the day, with different facts and quotes regarding mindfulness. I think the best way to stay consistent is through routine–adding just ten minutes of meditation to a normal everyday routine, such as brushing your teeth.

Not to mention..how cool is it that my boyfriend keeps me in check with mindfulness and meditation? I love this element of our relationship, and am so grateful to have someone like him!

Another component to let go and be present is to forgive yourself. Yes, let yourself off the hook! We aren’t always perfect–I can tell you that considering I spent a lot of the trip future thinking. So on one of our last days, as I sat on the beach watching the surf, I forgave myself and it felt like a weight was lifted. I felt my feet ground into the sand, I focused on the waves and the setting sun, and I just clicked into the moment. And then, just like that, things started falling into place. Pretty soon after, (and after some trial and error with other housing applications) a housing opportunity came up and we decided to make the move to Encinitas! This move to  the San Diego area has been on our minds, but I think just going for it was the best thing for us to make a decision.

I had this post drafted before leaving Hawaii, and of course it’s taken me this long to post! So now I’m sitting in my new kitchen in beautiful southern California. Somehow we got here, and I am so content with that. Our nest is coming along and I love seeing the progress.

However, I have felt disconnected in some ways during these memorable days. I know it’s time to get back into a routine and embrace this new chapter in our lives. As we were leaving Colorado, I felt like I was in a haze. I knew these moments were memorable and tried so hard to take them all in.

My biggest takeaway from leaving though: I met some pretty awesome people this past year that will continue to be a part of my journey, and I am so lucky for that!

I’ve started to understand synchronicity as a real and powerful thing–a lot of us are experiencing some of the same feelings, ideas and/or revelations at the same time. I am so grateful for my synched up tribe, and can’t wait to meet more people out here.

My thought for today is: why not just be you? What is actually holding you back? It’s usually your own self, and I say that because I do the same thing. But when we align ourselves with our own truth, let our own guard down and just trust the universe, life starts to shift in the right direction.

 

 


the high priestess

Woah.. did the universe flex its muscles this week. Or, for the past month or so for that matter…

I have been patiently pulling from The Wild Unknown tarot card deck for about a year now. I purchased the cards and booklet when I was in Australia three (ugh, yes, three) years ago. I played with them here and there, but really started diving deep this past year. Sometimes I would pull some scary cards and not want to believe it. I mean, pulling the death card isn’t the most comforting card…but I sometimes took it too literally or even applied it to the wrong thing, which I then focused my energy on and stressed over too much.

So I have had a pattern of pulling the high priestess card, almost always the third card. I believe the cards represent past, present and future. So with this being a future card, what could it possibly mean for me?

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Upon reading the card’s message, and some more online, it is simply the truth that is for me. From what I understand, the card is asking me to sit with myself, even in the dark places that I hide from, and learn to trust the inner voice. Just looking at this strong, ever so sure tiger tells me to be strong with myself and trust my inner knowing.

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That being said, some doors have been shut. I was too afraid to let go of some things, not listening to the voice within. I was also making myself miserable by choosing to be emotionally invested. So the Universe pulled some strings, whether I wanted it that way or not.

This may sound vague, only because I am still processing, but I will share more soon. What I do know is that I will come back stronger and rise above anything I do not believe in. This has been a powerful lesson.

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take time to tune in and listen to the voice within. trust.

I am ready for new beginnings. I believe that closing these doors will very soon lead to the opening of a beautiful landscape in my life. Aspen is such a beautiful place for me on my journey, always reminding me that there is no end goal, but just to live the journey of life.

And if I’ve learned anything recently… nobody knows the right way to live life. Advice is always helpful, but know that YOU know your own way. Be strong, and trust that the Universe will always guide you home.