expectations.

My Reiki coach, Lisa, recently gave me an assignment. For one week, she wanted me to just “be”. Instead of running from my emotions and anxieties, I was to sit still, meditate more, get out in nature, and really be with my feelings. Another thing she wanted me to do was to speak with any parts of me that came up (i.e. anxiety, fear, courage, love) and just to love them, instead of pushing them away. So yeah, I was talking to myself a lot too, nothing new.

Since moving to California, its been both exciting and scary–here I am, where I’ve been wanting to live and now its time to figure it all out…

“Where will I work?”

“How am I going to meet the right people?”

“What is my passion?”

“How am I going to figure this all out?”

So instead of running to Target for the millionth time, buying something I most definitely don’t need, I was forced to sit. I was encouraged to just be. No real plans, just seeing where the wind took me. A lot of this revolved around expectations, and Lisa encouraged me to really get clear on what they mean. During this week I had a powerful shift, and I’ll share with you the journal entry that really impacted me and my life practice:

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Expectations

Part of this exercise this past week (most of it) was about expectations. I would sound off Lisa and say expectations are bullshit. Expectations go with manipulation. They derive from old patterns, beliefs, family dynamics, history. Nobody knows the answer, so how can I fear/believe that they know the answer for my life? 

I’ve been worrying all week that I’m not doing the assignment right. I’m not sitting wth myself and sitting still as much as I was told to. But those times I did meditate, repeat mantras, journal, talk to the aspects of me (and love them), and sit down to read and do some of Gabby Bernstein’s work had so much power, it makes me believe that doing more of it will intensify. I believe that I have a huge calling. I know that the Universe has big plans. But for now, I must learn through every experience. 

In just a few days, I have been given so many opportunities and have just believe and said yes. I will figure out the rest as I go…

Part of me feels like Lisa will be disappointed in my work this week. But the other part of me hears her sigh of relief knowing that I am paving my own way beautifully as me. Expectations, right? She simply assigned something to me and it was up to me to discipline myself and discern how it was going to go. It was up to the Universe, my divine being, to pave it out. I hope that I am correct in this thought, but feel like Lisa would agree because expectations are bullshit. But vacillation is here, and I love her so much. She and indecision are two special ones that make me who I am. 

Everything I’ve just accepted to do is about to be a huge lesson. I can feel it. So here’s to venturing out, letting my higher self carry the torch before me, and give me the strength to love myself so much that I create my own destiny. She’s telling me to REMEMBER: nobody is out to get you, and it’s nobody’s fault, they are simply a mirror for me and I will love them. I create my destiny. I am the center of my universe. Love will guide me. Universe is saying “have no fear in the power that you hold for yourself, it’s time to step into it!” 

xx

Pretty powerful, right? If this assignment calls to you, I really think it’s worth trying! Now I am more mindful in my everyday interactions with myself and others and know when to unplug from the world, get out in nature, or just simply be still.

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For those of you interested in Reiki or any spiritual life coaching, I highly recommend finding someone that you really connect with before just going for the first google match in your area. Lisa was my hair stylist in Colorado, and once I saw she did Life Coaching it just unfolded organically. She is incredible if you live in Aspen/Snowmass, and also does Reiki distant work! Her website here! Trust your intuition, you will know the right one for you 🙂

 

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