expectations.

My Reiki coach, Lisa, recently gave me an assignment. For one week, she wanted me to just “be”. Instead of running from my emotions and anxieties, I was to sit still, meditate more, get out in nature, and really be with my feelings. Another thing she wanted me to do was to speak with any parts of me that came up (i.e. anxiety, fear, courage, love) and just to love them, instead of pushing them away. So yeah, I was talking to myself a lot too, nothing new.

Since moving to California, its been both exciting and scary–here I am, where I’ve been wanting to live and now its time to figure it all out…

“Where will I work?”

“How am I going to meet the right people?”

“What is my passion?”

“How am I going to figure this all out?”

So instead of running to Target for the millionth time, buying something I most definitely don’t need, I was forced to sit. I was encouraged to just be. No real plans, just seeing where the wind took me. A lot of this revolved around expectations, and Lisa encouraged me to really get clear on what they mean. During this week I had a powerful shift, and I’ll share with you the journal entry that really impacted me and my life practice:

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Expectations

Part of this exercise this past week (most of it) was about expectations. I would sound off Lisa and say expectations are bullshit. Expectations go with manipulation. They derive from old patterns, beliefs, family dynamics, history. Nobody knows the answer, so how can I fear/believe that they know the answer for my life? 

I’ve been worrying all week that I’m not doing the assignment right. I’m not sitting wth myself and sitting still as much as I was told to. But those times I did meditate, repeat mantras, journal, talk to the aspects of me (and love them), and sit down to read and do some of Gabby Bernstein’s work had so much power, it makes me believe that doing more of it will intensify. I believe that I have a huge calling. I know that the Universe has big plans. But for now, I must learn through every experience. 

In just a few days, I have been given so many opportunities and have just believe and said yes. I will figure out the rest as I go…

Part of me feels like Lisa will be disappointed in my work this week. But the other part of me hears her sigh of relief knowing that I am paving my own way beautifully as me. Expectations, right? She simply assigned something to me and it was up to me to discipline myself and discern how it was going to go. It was up to the Universe, my divine being, to pave it out. I hope that I am correct in this thought, but feel like Lisa would agree because expectations are bullshit. But vacillation is here, and I love her so much. She and indecision are two special ones that make me who I am. 

Everything I’ve just accepted to do is about to be a huge lesson. I can feel it. So here’s to venturing out, letting my higher self carry the torch before me, and give me the strength to love myself so much that I create my own destiny. She’s telling me to REMEMBER: nobody is out to get you, and it’s nobody’s fault, they are simply a mirror for me and I will love them. I create my destiny. I am the center of my universe. Love will guide me. Universe is saying “have no fear in the power that you hold for yourself, it’s time to step into it!” 

xx

Pretty powerful, right? If this assignment calls to you, I really think it’s worth trying! Now I am more mindful in my everyday interactions with myself and others and know when to unplug from the world, get out in nature, or just simply be still.

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For those of you interested in Reiki or any spiritual life coaching, I highly recommend finding someone that you really connect with before just going for the first google match in your area. Lisa was my hair stylist in Colorado, and once I saw she did Life Coaching it just unfolded organically. She is incredible if you live in Aspen/Snowmass, and also does Reiki distant work! Her website here! Trust your intuition, you will know the right one for you 🙂

 

finding peace

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Image via pen_friend

Devan and I just spent ten days exploring Maui. My parents spent time there years ago during my dad’s windsurfing days. It was so cool to visit and feel their presence in certain areas of the Island. However, a common trend of travel for me lately is taking my mind out of the beautiful present and focusing on what’s out of my control.

Just before leaving for this trip, the word “presence” kept entering my mind. It’s easy to get caught up in “future thinking”, as my life coach calls it. We all know that…be present, live in the moment, blah blah. But seriously, when we are too caught up in our thoughts and not enjoying what’s in front of us, we miss out on a lot…

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Photo taken at the Ali’i Kula Lavender Farm in Maui

Devan encouraged me to try out Headspace, since I have been very inconsistent with my own meditation. The app has been a great way to sit down every day and tune out from the world for only ten minutes. It also gives you the option to have reminders sent throughout the day, with different facts and quotes regarding mindfulness. I think the best way to stay consistent is through routine–adding just ten minutes of meditation to a normal everyday routine, such as brushing your teeth.

Not to mention..how cool is it that my boyfriend keeps me in check with mindfulness and meditation? I love this element of our relationship, and am so grateful to have someone like him!

Another component to let go and be present is to forgive yourself. Yes, let yourself off the hook! We aren’t always perfect–I can tell you that considering I spent a lot of the trip future thinking. So on one of our last days, as I sat on the beach watching the surf, I forgave myself and it felt like a weight was lifted. I felt my feet ground into the sand, I focused on the waves and the setting sun, and I just clicked into the moment. And then, just like that, things started falling into place. Pretty soon after, (and after some trial and error with other housing applications) a housing opportunity came up and we decided to make the move to Encinitas! This move to  the San Diego area has been on our minds, but I think just going for it was the best thing for us to make a decision.

I had this post drafted before leaving Hawaii, and of course it’s taken me this long to post! So now I’m sitting in my new kitchen in beautiful southern California. Somehow we got here, and I am so content with that. Our nest is coming along and I love seeing the progress.

However, I have felt disconnected in some ways during these memorable days. I know it’s time to get back into a routine and embrace this new chapter in our lives. As we were leaving Colorado, I felt like I was in a haze. I knew these moments were memorable and tried so hard to take them all in.

My biggest takeaway from leaving though: I met some pretty awesome people this past year that will continue to be a part of my journey, and I am so lucky for that!

I’ve started to understand synchronicity as a real and powerful thing–a lot of us are experiencing some of the same feelings, ideas and/or revelations at the same time. I am so grateful for my synched up tribe, and can’t wait to meet more people out here.

My thought for today is: why not just be you? What is actually holding you back? It’s usually your own self, and I say that because I do the same thing. But when we align ourselves with our own truth, let our own guard down and just trust the universe, life starts to shift in the right direction.

 

 

next step

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Woah.. so this is a major transition phase. I’m currently at home resetting before my next move, and I am all over the place! It’s crazy to think that my entire life has been shaped by the “next step”: you go to school and work towards the next grade, apply to high school, apply to college, and now what? Sure, I could just keep moving into an entry level job and climb the corporate ladder, but I don’t see any happiness and fulfillment there. So instead, I’m choosing to spend this time discovering more about myself and what kind of impact I want to have on the world.

(To those of you who went straight to work, I’m not totally hating on you.. some of you already knew what you wanted and I respect you for your drive!)

Anyways, this time is not easy. I know it’s not supposed to be. I have so many things I want to do, so many places I want to see, and for some reason feel like there’s not enough time. I can already tell that in the future I will look back and think I was crazy to think I had so little time to see the world. But at the same time, I don’t want to sit back and let time fly.

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So for now, I am trying to seek comfort in the chaos. I hope to learn and grow in the next year through new experiences. I want to take on different jobs and discover what drives me the most. My dream would be to be able to travel for my career…how cool would it be to travel with the World Surf League? I am passionate about the action sport industry, so I plan to spend this time finding what works best for me.

But at the same time, I am not locking myself into any commitments yet, as tempting as it is to be comfortable. I long to be in my home base, but have the rest of my life to do that. I want to make sure I experience as much as I can, and believe that these lessons will land me in the right place at the right time. It won’t be easy, but I know it’s right for me!

x

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[ You can also see what inspires me on Pinterest! ]

dreamer

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Suluban Beach, Bali

It’s funny, how when people ask me about my tattoo, somehow with a sort of smirk (or so I think). I just smile and say, “it’s my Australian souvenir” or “you know, I really wanted the word dreamer tattooed on my wrist, so I got it.” Sure, it has its moments, I look at it and wonder why I would do that…and hey, maybe I’ll get it removed one day. But sometimes, it reminds me of the mindset I was in, and the phase in my life where the whole thing took place.

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After a few days…sorry mom!

I wrote lists of reasons why I’m a dreamer. I was in such a state of bliss-I had traveled across the world and was on my own for six months. I was completely vulnerable, figuring out who I was and how I wanted to be around others. It was messy…there were times I wish I could redo, but I learned so much about myself. There is a power to being vulnerable.

I was enamored by the moon, doing my walk home from yoga at night. I never felt more safe, walking alone down the steep hill on Beach Street. I would just look up, amazed at the glowing moon, and felt so close to home. I remember walking by Coogee Pavilion, with the dull roar of families and friends chatting, laughing and enjoying their time. I would walk out to the railing, watching the moonlight shine over the water-the waves pushing and pulling in the sea. There was so much magic to the whole thing. Such a simple task-getting from Clovelly to Coogee-walking home from yoga somehow became such a meaningful memory.

Leaving Australia was far from easy. I’ll never forget the chaos of leaving Michelle and her kids. I was a wreck! Not to mention the embarrassing amount of luggage that I rolled away  with… I was in such a daze, and felt so sad leaving such an incredible place. During my flight, I wrote pages and pages of memories, thoughts and feelings in my journal. At one point, I was just writing these random lines of thoughts that came through my head, almost like a stream of consciousness. I remember reading an article about Cara Delvigne, where she said some moment in her life “lit a fire” in her, and that really resonated with me. I felt like Australia really lit this fire that gave me so much confidence in myself and my direction.

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Gordon’s Bay along the coast walk

So you’d think that meant I came home ready to conquer everything and be in the perfect situation? Wrong. Little did I know, the work had just begun. I came home without really realizing the shock it would cause to my system. Here I am with all of these tools, ready to live my new lifestyle, with nobody understanding my progress. I had just spent months with people who watched me grow, and now I was out of my element. I let go of someone I love, all for the chance to learn more about myself and be vulnerable. And boy, was I vulnerable. I connected with these people who in the end hurt me, but I look back now feeling stronger. I was embarrassed, sad, disappointed, and kept coming back for more. I put my feelings on the line, and got what I deserved in the end. I don’t take any of it back, because I am now sure of what I want in someone and the amount of respect I have for myself. Not everyone in the world has the best intentions for you-but I believe that there’s a lesson to be learned in the end.

And now here I am, just a few weeks past graduation. I finished college! I stuck out all four years in Dallas and ended up loving it. It’s incredible to think that there is a new chapter so close to beginning, and I can’t wait. I can feel that there are about to be some beautiful adventures to come. If you’ve made it this far into my post, I applaud you. Sorry for the feelings… I know I have been off my blogging game, but I have struggled to come up with what I want to share. Despite the big changes happening now, I still feel like there is a lull. I know that with what’s to come, I will be sharing a lot with all of you!

So to come full circle with this, the term dreamer continues to add new meanings. It’s a reminder of my experience abroad, what it represented for me at that time, to continue exploring, stay true to myself, and always be open to something new–with all the lessons I’ve learned along the way. Call it a list of cliches, but it’s become a symbol of my identity, and I’m proud of it

 

x

[ be sure to follow my Instagram for updates! ]

cheers!

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Happy New Year!

2015 has been an incredible year. It’s been full of fun and many lessons. I am confident that 2016 will be even better, I can’t wait!

I’ve totally been slacking on my blog, I apologize! One of my new years resolutions is to share more on my site, so expect more to come this year!

I hope you all had a wonderful new years, here’s to another amazing year!

xx

working on your soul

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st catherine

I recently watched Cassey Ho’s video on The “Perfect” Body and it was very moving. We are constantly look at ourselves and wish we had at least five different things about our body. We workout excessively, diet, try insane cleanses (that I personally last half a day through) all for what? Because, if I did end up achieving my “dream body”, would I feel that different? Or would I start picking out other imperfections? It’s all just a vicious cycle that we all play into.

I started wondering why we are so focused on our appearance, when it all comes down to who you are on the inside. This may seem obvious, or cliche (I am a fan of the cliches) but seriously! One day I am going to die, and whoever reflects on my life is surely not going to say “she had big arms” or “she had a good tan” (thanks for that one Brynne). I would hope that someone would talk about the person I was any impact I may have had on them.

Why are we obsessing over our bodies and overall appearance when that’s not what’s important in the end? Is that what really defines you? I’m not saying I’m perfectly secure with my image now that I’m posting this, but it is definitely something I am more aware of. I think we should all accept our bodies for what they are, how they were created, and how they will remain without trying to manipulate our diets and exercise. I’m all about a healthy lifestyle, but to restrict myself from good food or a day of vegging out on the couch is a waste of energy.

Embrace yourselves! We have so much more to share with the world, and good energy and a happy soul makes you look a lot better!

-xo-

dreamer

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beach nap bedroom

The fact that I miss Australia is an understatement.  I can’t tell you how many times I open Instagram in the morning, where my feed is flooded with Australian bloggers, restaurants, and other people who are in the middle of enjoying a beautiful day in paradise.  My heart hurts a little, then I get up and go about my day.

I know, how dramatic! I had my experience, and I am so thankful for that. I plan to go back again soon, maybe after graduating to either travel or explore…so it was not goodbye forever!

One thing I really miss, and I knew I would miss, is the walk to and from yoga. It took about 15 minutes to walk uphill from Coogee to Clovelly, where I would walk into the intimate space of This is Yoga. Melanie and Michael are amazing teachers, with vibrant and positive personalities which makes the classes even better. After a good one hour sweat, I would make my way back downhill to Coogee. I loved walking at night, looking up at the stars in a complete daze. I would make my way to the end of Beach Road, seeing all of the people eating and drinking at Coogee Pavillion, kids running around playing, and seeing the waves crash on the beautiful shore. The moon would either be lit up over the ocean, or just a crescent in the sky, but it was beautiful either way. The sound of the ocean still resonates in my head, the feeling of the salty breeze, and the overall sense of being grounded.

Sydney truly is a special place. I don’t know anyone who comes back with a single bad thing to say about it. I hope I can go back again soon…but until then I’ll try to keep myself from checking Instagram first thing in the morning!

xx

merry

 

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merry christmas! it’s been a crazy few weeks since I’ve been home, I can’t believe that it’s already christmas day! here’s a few things that i’m currently loving this holiday season. hope you all are enjoying time with family and friends!

xx

it’s the most wonderful time!

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Okay, so it’s the beginning of November and Christmas decor is in full gear in the United States. It becomes so overwhelming, time flies, and suddenly you’re scrambling to find gifts for friends and family. I thought it would be laid back in Australia, but the decorations around the mall are up and the music is playing! In an effort to help you find the perfect gift for your friends and family with different interests, I’ve made up the perfect gift guide! All you have to do is tie it in a bow an you’re set–I did all the research you need! xx

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homebody:

Timree makes the cutest hand-painted ceramics, school supplies, paintings, and many other fun things! I love her company, I went to the store in Newport Beach and it looks like so much fun for paint parties! These make the perfect gift for family members, or friends who want to store their jewelry in a personal dish!

organized:

Gigi New York has a great selection of planners, personal items, purses, etc. I also love Clare Vivier, which is a similar leather accessory company. The fold over clutches are perfect for a night out or on the go. I want every color! Both designers both have a men’s collection as well–for those looking for a gift for your dad, husband, or boyfriend : )

beach-goer:

The Beach People towels have been a hit all over Australia. I even added one to my Christmas list! They are super cute and go great with a pair of mirror shades–I thought these Wildfox ones were fun!

simple accessorizer:

Catbird NYC has the most gorgeous, dainty jewelry that makes the perfect personal gift. I love the stacking rings, it’s fun to collect over time. I’ve been noticing these adorable French-made bracelets by SAB&SAB all over Sydney, they too make the perfect collectible piece!

tech-savvy:

I love Frends headphones (as mentioned in my previous post)! There’s different kinds and colors, and of course provide great sound–I have these ones on my list as well: ). I just recently bought this Boostcase, since my phone dies so quickly here. They have a lot of pretty pastel colors, and the battery pack can be detached when you don’t need it.

scent-seekers:

Palm Beach Collection is a great Australian brand, I have a ton of them all over my apartment here! I also can’t go without my Calypso Bellini perfume. I have the candle for that too–so if it’s hard to order the Palm Beach candle from the US, the Calypso candle is just as great!

beauty queen:

I can’t get enough of frank body scrub–I actually just did my weekly scrub today! It makes to perfect gift and works great. I love the brand, and all of their cheeky descriptions. Glam Glow is a hit! I have both the moisturizing and mud mask and they work wonders! You can find it on Amazon, at Sephora, or Mecca (for all my Aussie readers!)

a drop in the ocean

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{photo by: Chris Slawson}

During my time home this summer, I got to watch my dog save baby sea turtles that were stuck in their nests. He would bring them to me gently, and watch as they slowly made their way out into the ocean. It’s such a beautiful sight to see–having this tiny, new-born creature instinctively make its way out into the ocean alone. Could you imagine, being tossed through waves into a massive, unchartered territory–but at the same time, instinctively knowing to do so?

It’s so easy to get caught up in a fast-paced lifestyle. I’ve always been the type of person to have a long list of things to do, going through every day with some sort of agenda. Ever since I went home this summer, I really started slow down and take the time to observe the little things that happen around me. I have taken that understanding with me to Australia, immersing myself in this new place while letting things come naturally. It’s been an amazing experience so far, and a lot of my appreciation and happy memories have come from the moments when I slowed down and really took in the moment.

There’s such a deep message that I’ve picked up on from watching the turtles this summer. It inspires me to open my eyes and immerse myself in the unknown, and to always know that home is there. I was blessed with support and guidance growing up, and I have so much appreciation for the foundation I’ve been given. Now, this is the time to go out and learn more about myself from being in new places, figuring out which direction to head as I go along. It is such an exciting point in my life, and I am so thankful to have this understanding with me as I continue my journey. I instinctively know that I am doing what’s best for me, and can’t wait to see what the future holds.